Asking for Help
Dearest Readers,
Why is it so hard to ask for help?
When I was in high school, I learned how not asking for help can get you in trouble. I was directing a play in our little black box theatre and the previous group had left a cumbersome fireplace prop on the stage. Did I go and find someone to help me move it? Nope. I dragged the heavy object into the wings, knocking chunks of plaster off its corners and leaving scrape marks on the stage.
That afternoon, our teacher admonished the person ‘whodunit’ and dared her to come clean. I stayed silent but my conscience got the better of me and I confessed after class. The teacher praised me for telling the truth but then posed a perplexing question: Why didn’t you just ask for help?
Hm. That’s a tough one.
I guess nobody taught me how. I come from a family of DIYers and I’m not talking about renos. Lift it yourself. Carry it yourself. Figure it out by yourself. Manage it by yourself. Self-sufficiency is prized above all, to our detriment. Most of us still struggle to ask for help when we need it.
To ask for help is to admit weakness and weakness equals death. Too much of a stretch? I don’t think so.
Ironically, admitting I can’t do something actually brings me strength. One of life’s paradoxes. Thank goodness I’ve learned!
Just yesterday, I needed some help. My mental health was in the toilet and my best thinking told me to isolate and numb-out. Instead, I reached out. Twice.
Sent a voice message to a friend.
“Help. Not doing well.”
Just sharing that gave me the courage to call my boyfriend.
“I need life support.”
Vulnerable. Ugh. But he was able to love me into a better place. He couldn’t have done that if I hadn’t told on myself.
It sounds simplistic but if you need help, try asking for it. It makes a difference.
May Light from Every Possible Source brighten your darkness this holiday season.
Celia
As usual, your reflections are transparent, engaging, provocative. I come from a culture where asking for help was the currency used for survival. It was the foundational bind for social and personal dynamics. People often resist asking for help (in prosperous cultures) because it may be perceived as an indicator of vulnerable “shortcomings”. In struggling societies NOT asking for help was seen as indicating an arrogant attitude.